Sunday, May 3, 2009

Friend. Here. Wow.

At the risk of sounding incredibly pathetic, I must take a minute to marvel how incredible it is to have a friend with me. I mean, actually here, with me -- and not through a phone or a chat box. I've become too used to being alone lately I guess, that's it's almost a little overwhelming to think, "She's here. I can hug her, talk to her, share things with her anytime I want." She's the kind of here that entails cleaning a kitchen together, and trying to ward the scary family off of her. The kind of here that means looking at one another over mugs of coffee and trying to prioritize all the many things I want to talk about with her.

Because the sad part is, Mary (or AF or Raen as most of you know her) will not always be here.

I was riding in my eldest sisters van today, and I happened to look back and see Mary sitting in between two of my nieces -- and an incredible jolt of reality hit me. Unlike a few other unfortunate cases, Mary doesn't seem in the slightest disturbed by our kooky family. For that matter, she doesn't seem disappointed in me either. I'm so used to hearing from people, "Oh, you're not at all like you seemed online," that I brace myself to let people down. But she's taken everything in stride -- and already graced our home so much. It's amazing to have someone to listens to me -- yes, really listens and not just stares blankly into space -- and doesn't tell me to shut up or talk about something interesting.

Even though I border extroverted at times, I'm something of a loner by circumstance. It's hard for me to find my place, even online actually. My interests are so eclectic, my personality just a little eccentric, and my life so utterly unpredictable, that I find it difficult to sustain friends over long periods of time. Of course some (you know who you are) are persistent, and refuse to let me drop them. And some are just magnetic, and no matter how many times in my life I'm distracted, I always try to reestablish contact, because I must. Mary has been like that. I followed her from forum to blog to forum again. And now, she's in my home.

Sometimes God is amazing. He couldn't have put a more perfect week in my summer -- a week that is only extra special because of the struggles that preceded it. Even by her mere presence, Mary is a moral support to me. After the funeral on Thusday, I wondered if I could go any further. If I would even be able to enjoy her visit. I felt so drained of enthusiasm.

But it's impossible to stay that way when God gives you a friend to be enthusiastic over.


meg said...

:D this made me smile.

and made me want to hang out with AU friends like you two. :)

Katie Beth said...

I know what you mean. :-) I can't wait to see Juliet again because she's like ME. I have lots of friends here, and they're like me too, but most of them aren't the deep, LEARNINGful friendship that I have with people like Juliet. Nobody else (well, you would) will lay out and stargaze with me. :-)